Saturday, December 19, 2009

Nine Reasons Santa Must Be A Conservative Republican

Back in May I wrote an article that asked the questioned, "Was Jesus A Socialist?" As I wrote in the article it is my understanding of the Scriptures, and of God's many rules and regulations to the Israelites, that Jesus was a capitalist. Thus I believe if He were walking among us and actually voting in our elections today, He would most certainly be a conservative capitalist. Now we find ourselves at the doorstep of Christmas and unfortunately more children have probably heard of Santa than have heard of Jesus. So in the spirit of the season, and just so I can be fair and equitable with my political opinions, I have decided to share what I think of Santa's political persuasion.

My regular Sunday messege will be presented on Christmas morning this week, so today I have decided to have a little fun. Oh I realize it is not a Christian message so much as it is a political statement I am making here, so I ask those who may be offended by this to accept it in the spirit it is offered. I also do not want anyone to think that I am putting a beloved character on the same level as God, I am not, and please do not misconstrue the meaning of this article. I offer it as a simple and fun explanation of how I see liberals and what I think of Santa's politics.

I will begin by saying that if Santa were a real person and a politically minded individual he would be a conservative Republican. How can I be so sure of such a bold statement you may wonder? Well, I will list nine reasons for my belief. But before I offer my list, I would like to point out that when finished you will inevitably ask yourself the same question I have asked in the past. Why would any liberal Democrat like Santa, and why would they ever tell their children to like him?

Now some of this list has been seen by many in portions elsewhere. What I did was add my own thoughts and mixed them all up so that it is what I think. So here are nine reasons I think Santa must be a conservative Republican.

1.) Santa waits till everyones asleep and no ones around, to see him do his good deeds. If Santa were a liberal Democrat, he would do his work in broad daylight where everyone could see and he would also call reporters and hold a press conference.
2.) Santa gives toys and candy out using his own money and hard work. Liberal Democrats would pass a law that would call for redistribution of wealth from others. Then they would again hold a press conference to tell the parents how they have made the children's Christmas better by forcing evil wealthy individuals to share the wealth.
3.) If Santa were a liberal Democrat, he wouldn't fly around on a cold drafty sleigh that was pulled by an endangered animal like the reindeer. The liberal Democrat would be flying around the world in a Boeing 747 paid for by the taxpayers of the world. Oh yeah, they would also have a huge "Save the Reindeer" sticker on the side of the plane for everyone to see.
4.) When you go to the mall and see Santa there, what is he doing? He is asks the boys and girls what they want for Christmas, then he shuts up and listens as he remembers every detail of what the child wants. Liberals never listen. They just talk, talk, talk and talk some more as they tell you what they are going to do for you, regardless of whether you want it or not.
5.) Santa hires elves. Fact is, you will never see a Liberal Democrat actually hire a physically disadvantaged individual, unless it was a token employ for the media to see. Liberals only use the disadvantaged for speeches and photo ops.
6.) Santa believes in right and wrong, he checks his list twice to see who has been naughty and nice. If a child has been bad, well that child will be getting a lump of coal. As far as liberal Democrats are concerned, the very idea that there is a right and a wrong is antiquated and evil. If Santa were a liberal Democrat, he would actually give the best toys to the baddest child because after all it really is not his fault and we do not want any child to be stigmatized. That is why liberals insist on either making pregnant teenage girls valedictorians, or they have no valedictorians at all. Remember, to a liberal right and wrong, good and bad, are all relative.
7.) Santa gives to others from a sacrificial, giving heart without expecting or demanding anything in return because he truly loves others. Liberals on the other hand believe everyone is entitled to something, but not because they love them, it is because they want something in return.
8.) Santa shows up to work regardless of what the weather is like. He is not afraid of long hours or having to work on holidays with no extra pay. Santa never goes on strike, demanding that we the people give him more than he already has.
9.) Finally, the last reason I believe Santa would be a conservative Republican, is because when the working conditions get tough like foggy nights or heavy snow storms, instead of delaying his promise of delivering his gifts until the weather improves, he uses good old American capitalist ingenuity to come up with a technical solution to the problem. One time he found out that he could use an outcast reindeer, named Rudolph who had a shiny nose, to help shine the light and deliver his presents to all the boys and girls of the world on time.Yup, Santa kept right on trucking without missing a step, and without demanding that the government get involved to do that which he promised he would always do.

So as you can plainly see Santa is a conservative Republican, not a Liberal Democrat.

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