Living A Life of a Desperado, Proverb 18:1

Interesting how today's Proverb is Proverb 18. I say interesting, because I had a dream last night about an old friend I haven't see in years. His name is Larry, and he was a preacher of his own church in Columbus Georgia. The last time I saw him was a time in my life when all I wanted was to be away from people. If anyone got too close I would disappear.

It was after my 2nd marriage fell apart, and I was pretty much wondering around the country. I would stay in a place long enough to work a few Months and then leave town without notifying anyone. Sometimes I would leave without even collecting my last paycheck. I figured if I wasn't going to give a notice why collect the check.

Something inside of me was urging me to go. It was before I truly accepted Christ in my heart. OH I knew Him, but didn't have a relationship with him. Today I know my uncomfortable feeling came from trying to run from Him. I would begin feeling uneasy and just pack up my backpack, chose a destination, and start hitchhiking from place to place. Working for awhile and then start hitchhiking again.

The only thing I ever had that I cared about in those days, was the backpack that had some cassette tapes of music for my Walkman, an old poncho for rain or to make a lean-to with. A mess kit, a compact fishing pole with some hooks, a bar of soap, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a few changes of socks and underwear, some jeans, a few shirts, and one set of nice pants and a dress shirt I wore when ever I needed to apply for job if my money ran low. I hate begging. (Yes the backpack pictured, is the one I carried around America with me)

If I needed money I would just get a job as an auto mechanic, a carpenter, cook or even a dishwasher. Jobs were easy for me to get in those days. I was young, in great shape, and not picky.

I offer this because because of the advice my friend gave me when he was trying to reach my heart. I was lost, and he wanted to save me.Larry was a Preacher of his own small church. I met him when I in the service stationed at Ft Benning Ga. So when I hitchhiked to Columbus, he was the first one I called. Him and his wife Mary let me stay with them. Larry was doing all he could to save my soul.

I Oh I thought I was saved, because I began to change, but later I realized I hadn't. No one walks away from Christ, you are either His or just a wolf in sheep's clothing that fools everyone but Christ and His anointed. Larry was a true anointed Saint, and he knew that I was still holding out.

Well one day we were eating at a restaurant I had gotten a job at and in his attempt to reach me again, he told me that I reminded him of the character in Eagles song, "Desperado". He told me that the original definition of a desperado was not what Americans believed. Instead, the true definition was derived from the Latin word, "disperare". Which means to despair or to lose hope.

The character in the Eagles song is a loner.  He was living day to day like I was. Surviving day to day with no love the heart. Like the character in the song, I too had hardened my heart. I refused to come in from the cold, regardless of how uncomfortable I was from living the way I was. He said that without love I would one day die from lack of feelings if I didn't wake up.

He went on to explain that it's not good for a man to have no one. To to walk away from everyone, regardless of how some people may have treated me, was not the way to heal from the hurt I was feeling. All I was doing was making my heart harder by the day. He told me, that is so many men who hardened their hearts have become bandits or renegades. The final destination of such a person, he said was not good.

We had a good long talk that day, and I really felt like he hit a raw nerve. He also told me to read Proverbs 18:1, and heed the advice in it. Later I read the Proverb, and I can see why he told me to read it, because I was isolating myself from people. Something that I still seem to do from time to time. When I do, I know I need to go to Christ.

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment. Proverb 18:1

Well, after that long talk, I eventually packed up my backpack and headed to the nearest freeway entrance to leave town. I guess I never allowed it to sink in much as I thought it had. Or maybe he just got to close to the truth and I was afraid of the unknown. It was so much easier to be alone, than to let other become part of me.

 I always believed in God, and that Christ was the only way to gain salvation, but it took me years for my friends advice to sink in. Eventually I would accept it, once I truly understood how my own inability to love others, or to allow others to love me was stopping me from allowing Christ into my heart.

Isn’t it amazing how we can listen to the lyrics of songs and paste them on those we know. It’s as if the person who wrote the song knows us and what makes us tick. Personally I think we can listen to most songs and, depending upon how we look at them or what part of the song rings more special in our ears, we will see our friends and relatives in them. I guess that is why Larry saw me in the song, to him, I was the true definition of the Latin word that desperado came from.

Below are the Lyrics, with a video of the song below them. My point for sharing the lyrics with you has everything to do with the words, not the song as it was sung by the eagles.

"Desperado"

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now Oh, you're a hard one I know that you got your reasons These things that are pleasin' you Can hurt you somehow Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy She'll beat you if she's able You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet Now it seems to me, some fine things Have been laid upon your table But you only want the ones that you can't get Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin' Your prison is walking through this world all alone Don't your feet get cold in the winter time? The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine It's hard to tell the night time from the day You're losin' all your highs and lows Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away? Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you You better let somebody love you (let somebody love you) You better let somebody love you before it's too late